Phonometrography

In Erik Satie's 'Memories of an Amnseic,' written in 1912-3, the composer insists that he is not, in fact, a musician. Rather, he calls himself a phonometrographer, arguing that his works are dominated by scientific thought, and that he gets great pleasure from measuring sounds. And then, in the ironic, archly serious tone of a good Dadaist, he offers a few examples:

"The first time I used a phonoscope, I examined a B flat of average size. I have, I assure you, never seen anything more disgusting. I had to call my servant in to show it to him. On my phono-weigher an ordinary F sharp, of a very common type, registered 93 kilograms. It came out of a very fat tenor whose weight I also took."

Well, then. Here at halfstep, we still don't own a phonoscope. (No intrusive ad banners, folks, means no revenue). But we did see that one of you, a sea and intrepid reader, had ventured some questions in response to our call for comments. And so we sat down, prompt and phonoscope-less, with Cleo, and with a list of your questions in hand.

The initial results were - well, they were almost gnomic in their conciseness. 'Apart from Milkshake,' you asked, 'what is the best music there is?' The four-and-three-quarters-year-old paused, thought for a good five second, said, 'That's a hard one,' and then settled on Louis Armstrong's 'What a Wonderful World' - an interesting choice, given that we haven't heard it in months. And, you asked, 'Are puppets alive?' That was easier. 'No,' came the quick, forceful, and confident answer. 'Is there anything else,' we added, hoping to leave room for a more fleshy answer, 'you want to say about that?' But again, and equally forcefully: 'No.'

Again, we wish we could have run these answers through a phonoscope. And, to be totally honest, we probably should not have posed them during a momentary break from play; our researcher had the distinct sense, in fact, that Cleo was interested in returning to the playground and her friends. But we did want to share our initial research sample with you - and of course will be presenting your other thoughtful questions to her, in due course.