Advice, for G.

Just got a note from an old, dear high school friend who's expecting his first child, a daughter, in late November - and who said that he's thus been reading this blog of late. Yikes! I already feel, in my day-to-day fathering, as though I'm navigating without a very reliable compass; trying to find useful, applicable hints in this blog would consequently be something like trying to learn a measure of European grace by watching old Ernest P. Worrell commercials. Really, folks: you're better off flipping coins and following the I Ching than using this blog as a model of any sort.

But, with that disclaimer in place, it's still tempting to try to provide. I mean, with four and a half months' experience, shouldn't I be able to offer some sort of Top Ten list of recommendations for expectant fathers? Or, given that pretty much every expectation gets rescaled with an infant in the house, at least a Top Three, or Four? I mean, if Jim Cramer can make millions as a financial advisor, what's stopping me from offering a few recommendations regarding fatherhood?

So here ya go, G. Not exactly the wisdom of ages, but with best wishes nonetheless:

1. Honor thy wife. Regardless of what you've done, and of how tired you may be, she's done more, and she's more tired. So take the baby for that long morning walk so that she can sleep in; splurge on that Red Door gift certificate; put the game on the radio and wash those breast pump parts. Fatherhood's a great role, but you're a supporting actor, in certain basic ways, for the first few months. She gets the star treatment for a reason.

2. Read; listen; learn. Mahler wrote, in a letter offering advice to a younger composer named Max Marschalk, "We must for the time being keep to the good old principles." Sure, sure: but just don't let that baby sleep on its stomach. And on, and on: conventional wisdom and recent research are two vast bodies of water that meet and form a complicated tide. Get your hands on more than a few books, with different viewpoints, and be prepared to be flexible. Like this blog, no single book, no single toymaker, and no single grandparent has all the answers. But if taken as a whole, they form a remarkably rich field of wisdom and possibility.

3. Bend with the knees, not with the back.

4. Onesies that snap along the inseam, instead of going over the head will save you time and tears.

And that, my friend, is that. Short, and sweet - and yet probably already too long. Reagan once said, famously, that "The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'" Only slightly less frightening, I suppose, is the wide-eyed new father who offers advice on parenting. But, still: may your last few weeks as a couple be good ones, and may you find your own voice and instincts as a father. I'm sure you will.